I’m going to get a little more personal today..
So this morning I had a really productive session with my psychologist. We talked about cognitive distortions, which are basically different ways in which you can distort the way you think about yourself into something negative. I (unfortunately) have a pretty tight relationship with cognitive distortions, hence the psychologist, lol.
Anyway, one that I’ve noticed myself doing a lot is ‘mind reading’, which is basically where you believe you know what others are thinking about you, without considering more realistic possibilities. I always find myself thinking that people around me are thinking I’m stupid, or annoying, or over-emotional, or promiscuous, or rude, or any other number of negative things. Sometimes I stop for a second and think about the assumptions I’m actually making. A lot of the time I can take a step back and see that logically they are probably not thinking these things, yet in my heart of hearts I still truly feel that that is what they are thinking. I still feel like I can read their mind, even when evidence points to the contrary.
My flat mate said to me the other day, that when it comes down to it, no one can ever really know what someone else is thinking. Even if someone explicitly says to you, “this is what I’m thinking, this is what I’m feeling”, how do you truly know that is what is going on in their head? It is impossible to know the intricacies of someone else’s mind unless you are them.
Trying to constantly have a handle on what others are thinking of you; trying to control the uncontrollable, is simply futile. You cannot read the unreadable. Actively engaging in the belief that you can essentially ‘read people’s minds’, and letting the thoughts that arise from this belief have an influence on how you feel about yourself is both irrational and exhausting. People will think what they will think. And you will continue to be you. Because nobody is liked by 100% of people 100% of the time. There will be a time when one person or another thinks something negative about you, and that is perfectly ok. People disagree, and get on each others’ nerves, and have arguments, it is only natural and expected that we have negative thoughts about each other from time to time. The most important thing are the thoughts you have about yourself.
Love to my fellow mind readers out there who can vibe with this,
S x x
p.s. I feel like all my blog posts are just turning into me talking about things that I want to change/work on in myself and then proceeding to give myself a big pep talk, except changing the pronoun from ‘I’ to ‘you’ to make it feel more inclusive lmao help me plz