I’ve been meaning to write a blog post for months, but I haven’t managed to for a combination of reasons (let’s be real, a huge one of those reasons is that I’m the laziest motherfucker out here). I’m in a transitional period of my life at the moment. I’m experiencing a huge upheaval of emotion, and routine, and normalcy, and people. Big changes are in motion; changes that are beyond my control. And whilst this is difficult, and the part of me that loves to mourn people and places and bathe in the nostalgia of old memories is having an absolute field day, I also know that this stage of my life is necessary. Acclimatising to change, however difficult it may be, is a catalyst for growth. And growing is all I really wanna do. I can see this new path of my life unfolding before me like a blank canvas and I have so many things I want to fill it with that it is overwhelming. I have so many ideas, and thoughts, and feelings that have been ruminating inside of me recently that trying to articulate them coherently in a neat little blog post has felt paralysing. Writing is a muscle and I have let mine become stiff. So here I am, stretching it out; purging my thoughts, scooping out the inside of my mind and spreading it out in front of whoever the fuck on the internet wants to read this. Enjoy.
I officially graduate University tomorrow. It’s such an odd feeling. I remember starting 4 years ago and even though somewhere deep inside of me I knew I would graduate, it just never felt like it would truly come to fruition because it was so far away. Now here I am. 22 years old, and I look back at my 18 year old self. I barely had a backbone to hold me together. I let people push me around and disrespect me, and as much as I could sit here and say how much I regret that, I actually don’t. It’s the whole ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ kinda scenario. Eventually I figured it out. I found the right people to call my friends and build up my back bone; to support me in every endeavour, and tell me when I should tell boys to go fuck themselves. And I remember how god damn scared I was about coming to Uni. I very nearly didn’t come, and I sometimes wonder how different things would be if I hadn’t embraced this opportunity when I did. Something big I’ve realised is that being uncertain about the future and not knowing how things are going to work out is sometimes the best position to be in. Yes, it is terrifying, but it is also thrilling. And how exceptionally lucky I am to have a future that is uncertain and one which I have the autonomy to change. Uncertainty is something I want to begin viewing more as a vessel for vast change and opportunity instead fear. I must lean into this uncertainty and embrace the discomfort of these impending changes. Figuring things out takes time and adjusting takes time – have faith in the process.
So tomorrow night, officially graduated, what will I be toasting to? To change – the frightening, exhausting, yet transformational power of change. To moving on and moving forward to a place where I am better than I am today. Change is one of the things in life I know to be simultaneously terrifying and beautiful, it’s simply up to us to choose how we view it. So here’s to seeing the beauty in it.